I know that question seems wrong, but hear me out. Due to some recent events in my life, it has brutally come to my attention that I have, in fact, been forgiving the wrong way.
The Trap of “Pious Pettiness”
As far back as I can remember—even before I came to know Christ—I was taught that forgiveness was simply letting go of the debt or sin someone else had committed. I thought that if someone harmed me, I could just say I was no longer concerned and they could “deal with God on their own.”
I now know that isn’t forgiveness; it’s pettiness. It is a way of keeping a wall up while pretending to be spiritual. Scripture warns us about this lingering distance:
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
(Hebrews 12:15)
The Model of the Debt
The Lord’s Prayer asks for God to “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Think about that in the context of my old view of forgiveness. Was I really saying, “Lord, just let it go and let me deal with my debt on my own”?
No! I want God to release me. I want the freedom that comes when the Son sets you free (John 8:36). If we truly follow the model of the Lord’s Prayer, we are obligated to set others free as well. Our attitude toward forgiveness should be the same as our attitude toward how we would like to be forgiven.
True forgiveness means offering freedom instead of a burden. It means being willing to say to our offender, “Here, give me your debt, your shame, your sin, and be free. Don’t worry about it anymore.” After all, that is exactly what Jesus did for us:
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”
(1 Peter 2:24)
How Can a Human Carry That?
I know you are asking now, “How can anyone take another’s burden like that? You’re not Christ!” And you would be right. But the scriptures do say to “be imitators of God, as beloved children” (Ephesians 5:1), and so we must.
The secret is that we do not hold on to that burden ourselves. How could we? We must immediately hand it over to Christ. This is key, especially if the offending person isn’t a Christian. We cannot leave that burden with them; we must show the love of Christ to them the same as He showed it to us. We act as a conduit, taking the weight they owe us and casting it where it belongs:
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
(1 Peter 5:7)
The Final Challenge: Forgiving Yourself
What if the offending person is yourself? What if you must forgive yourself? Although it sounds easy, it is not.
Think about it: if I follow the model of taking the charge as my own while leaving myself free, I still hold the charge. It’s like owing a debt that I cannot pay and then taking money from my own bank to deposit it into that same account, expecting to pay the debt. The math doesn’t work. You cannot pay yourself back for a sin committed against God.
We must “sell the debt” to the only person who not only can afford it but has already paid for it: Jesus! He has already “canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness… nailing it to the cross” (Colossians 2:14).
If you find yourself having to forgive yourself, give it to Christ and accept that it is finished. When your own heart tries to bring the charges back up, remember that God is higher than your feelings:
“For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.”
(1 John 3:20)
This may seem hard or even impossible at first, but keep taking those thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) until you truly believe that it is done. If the Son has set you free, you are truly free indeed.
